HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE by Dale Carnegie

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE
by Dale Carnegie

The principal message of this book is basically to live the Golden Rule -- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How do you do this? Through empathy. Take an interest in other people. Understand their interests and motives. Give them praise, encouragement and appreciation. Understand that one of the greatest human needs is to feel important. The book de-emphasizes “me” and focuses on  “you” and “we.

Dale Carnegie engages us in each chapter with questions and stories. He states the principle for the chapter. Then he gives examples, some from historic leaders like Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt and Charles Schwab,

The book is divided into three parts with principles for each part.

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.

5. Smile

6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. It helps to have broad interests of your own so that you have something that you can talk intelligently about. Don’t be a know-it-all

9. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

Part 2: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. Begin in a friendly way.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

12. Throw down a challenge.

Part 3: Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.